Here we go again.....

Everything right now is starting to look more and more like New York City to me...

When I was in NYC, I didn't live there... I SURVIVED there. I ate shoe strings for breakfast, maybe got a cup of coffee... then maybe ate lunch depending on if I was working that day or just going to class. Then had a good ole' bucket o' ramen for dinner... yummy. This sounds appetizing I know... but ya know what's funny, the food is better this time, but the bills are worse.

Rent, Power, Cell, Cable (internet and such), Car Insurance, Back Debt, and things that are becoming back debt.... awesome.

it just seems to get so overwhelming sometimes

More Updates....

updates updates updates.... I'm sure everyone needs this:

Ok, ok, so here is some more information for you people out there that actually read this...

So on the whole "new" girlfriend front... the only reason that new is in "" is because, well
it has been so long since I wrote in this that it is no longer a new thing...

Anyway, the name she goes by is Raven (yes as in the bird). Things have been going okay in that world... the only reason it is not fantastic is because everyone for the past few months has been far too stressed out. Other than that things are fine there. She breathes fire (one of the few female fire breathers on the east coast... but she also juggles and does other pretty awesome shit with it) and does all kinds of other nifty shit. Quite a talented lady I would say :-P. There is a lot more to say, but honestly it really is hard to put the connection we have into words.

So I believe I stated last time that Eric (aka Rocky) is my roommate now... which is good... he really needed to get out of his grandmother's house... his mother's side of the family is just messed up in ways that not many would really understand.... if not, well now ya know.

His current squeeze Amy is pretty cool, she stays here a lot. Some of the funniest shit comes out of her mouth.

The servers I have are still down... I got no money to pay the power bill so I am not going to try to make it worse on that front. As much as it pains me, just turning one on for a few hours is a few dollars that I really don't have.... but I'll get there eventually.

------------------

Things more recently have become more complicated.
- Eric has lost a lot of hours at work (still doing construction with our boss that we had over the summer)

- Eric's ex-wife is being a twat (yes, I am using that word as strong as it is implied) with child support and other things of that matter, making his life an absolute living hell... I feel bad for the shit he has to deal with... no, that is not pity, I just don't understand why she is doing it to him... she is still one of my friends, I knew her briefly in HS, and I lived with them when I was in NYC for a bit

- Raven's job is not steady enough to really provide any cash to the "house" fund.

- My job is just pissing me off... I really didn't want to have to rely on Radioshack... it just bugs me...BTW, Steve... I still love ya man, you were the only Radioshack manager that I would leave the company if you left... and I mean that.

- I have found other jobs more recently... possibly something in my field... the pay is okay .... one of the jobs is just building/repairing computers (the name of the place is called Seneca Data). Its fairly mindless from the description I got, but even still its at least something kinda nifty and the pay is right.... I just may do it, i have a few more things to think about before I make a jump like that... but I really need something more steady, NOT dealing with customers for a while. I just dont want to leave my current manager in a ridiculously hard place and I want to give as much notice as possible... i dunno... its hard to really figure out what I should do, but ultimately the decision is mine to make and I have to be concerned with my own well being... and everyone in the rest of my house.

... that pretty much sums things up for right now..
i suppose.

maybe more later

==Chevelle - Straight Jacket Fashon==
Currently playing in the background

I haven't given up yet...

So yeah, there have been quite a few things going on in my life right now... and there have been some changes...

The apartment I was going to move into, kinda fell through, but now I am in a different place... on Tipperary hill, the most Irish part of Syracuse, for those who are not familiar with the area. Which honestly is quite nice, and has come back in more recent years. I lived in this area when I was very young, one street over from where I am now.

I'm still working at the same radioshack I went to at the beginning of the summer... though I have stopped the landscaping (and construction in the winter), due to stress and lack of hours... so I took on more hours at the shack.

I have also started going back to school, at ITT Technical... I really want that fucking piece of paper. I'm doing well in classes so far (we are on week 4/5 of I think 12).

I am actually getting days off during the week, this is a plus.

But i'm still stressed...
too stressed, even for me....
I dunno, I can't tell you how many times I just feel like letting go of the steering wheel sometimes when I drive... just to see what would actually happen.... but the sad part is, that I know what would happen...

A- IF i live... which I probably would *unless I went off a cliff or something*
- I would have an ASS-LOAD of medical bills that would probably never get paid off...
- I would have my family questioning my mental stability (as if they don't by now)
- I would have to spend more time out of school
- I would probably be in a wheelchair or something like that.. just from the number of injuries
- I would also have people bending over backwards trying to help me... fuck off... I got this

B- IF i were to die...
- I would never fucking rest... EVER
- I'd probably have to deal with all the pain of watching over my family... and their sorrow... yadayadayada... yeah NO.
- When some of my family did finally reach me... that'd be great to explain huh? and I couldn't even have an excuse like... "its a long story" cuz its fucking eternity.... ya got nothing but time.

I don't like those results...
hmmm... onward to next thought....

I wonder if it is possible to elminate most of the stress in life with money... I hope so.
that could be a semi-attainable goal.... no bills, no stress there.... everything else is easier (or at least coming from only one or two places). Shit, if I didn't have any bills to worry about, things would be VERY different:

**ENTER DREAM SEQUENCE MUSIC** (ya know like wayne's world)

Matt comes home from work... sits down, and enjoy's his evening with his roommates and girlfriend... knowing all bills are paid, has a full (or at least semi-full) tank of gas, and a very healthy and fast computer. He then turns on the TV for a little while, enjoys a movie, maybe some interesting tv show, sits in front of the 'puter for a bit, has a meal, has some intimate time, and then goes to sleep..... goes to work, and somewhat enjoy's it... goes to leave...forgets the bad moments of the day, and goes home... repeat from top 5 out of 7 days per week.

**EXIT DREAM SEQUENCE MUSIC**

yeah, see, is that so hard... what the fuck, I don't want a lot... just to be comfortable... I don't need retarded amounts of stuff, every cool little toy on the market, or cutting edge comptuer equipment in my apartment (though it would be nice, but not necessary).

I guess I gotta try harder... be more of a man, get a harder working job so I can afford those things....

yeah... im sure... then what...
... this is where most people get greedy, when they are comfortable... its all one big fuckin pattern, then they loose it all... just like at the casino's. Everyone says "nope, if I won (insert x amount of) dollars I'd walk away from the table". I hate to break it to you, but the fact of the matter stands... its a different situation once you have the chips/cash/whatever in your hands....

I guess its a paradox I am striving to be comfortable... but once I get there, there will be a new level of comfort I want.... maybe... I'm not really sure... I have had very few times in my life where I was actually comfortable, I really don't honestly know what it is like.

I guess it would take a LOT of money in one HUGE lump sum to really make that happen.... mega millions? (NYS Lottery)

God the list I could make just of the things I would do with that kind of cash....
(I'll make a generalized one for length reasons)

- Pay off all bills of mine, my girlfriend Raven's, Parents, and closer friends... I would also help out a few of my really close friends that are either getting married or having children a little more than a few others.
- Hand the deed of my Mom's house to Mom and Gary (they still got another 20 years on their mortgage I think).
- Give both of my parents money for my younger siblings to go to college with.
- Buy a place to put my 1979 Cougar, and soup-up little Svetty (my 91 saab) to do some pretty cool shit (turbo anyone?).
- Get some nifty computer upgrades and a nice desk/computer area.
- CONTINUE TO LIVE IN THE SAME PLACE
- Hire 2 people... one to clean my house now and again (no live in people would be necessary) and the other to invest my money and help out charities....

And here's the kicker... all the things I would do before I put all the money in the bank/investments would probably only amount to $500,000 (or maybe slightly more)... the investments I would live off of the rest of my life... and yes, I would
- Finish School
- WORK until I was much older
- be WISE with the money
- Pay it forward (see movie of the same title... great flick... kinda sad)

well out I go for a smoke... I'll probably finish the "updates" post at some point in time.... I apologize for that....

for those that may actually care.


Matt-

Updates later.... depressed now...

So yeah, today was going well until Eric got a phone call from his mom telling him that one of his friend's sister died a few days ago and calling hours were tonight. She wasn't close to me (a bit older) but his friend was pretty close to him in HS, and I had talked to him from time to time on the bus. Anyway, it depresses me that the only reason I wear a tie now a days is because either someone is getting married or someone has died.... or the off chance that I have a job interview.

So that's a great way to pretty much start a day....

but wait... there's more! and if you act now... I'll throw in the julianne fry maker for free...


So here I am @ home with my parents feeling kinda glum and all... and I get a phone call from a good friend of mine... I feel bad because I couldn't talk because I had some stuff that I really needed to take care of... but he reminded me that one thing I really wanted to do this summer was go up to the white mountains.... and being the first summer I was away from NH, I wanted to make that happen..... I couldn't... I feel like I let everyone down, I got the time off from one job, but I couldn't get it off from the other..... I got the 4th.... thats it.

I mean, I guess its a good thing, I really need the money to move into a new place (That will come in the next update). And there might be a little bit of awkwardness between Laura and I, but I don't really see that as a problem. But I really wanted to see some people.... like Steve and Tarayn, the remaining 1017 crew, My college friends... you get the idea... I could have done that in 2 days... and right now I don't have that chance. That really kinda gets to me. I hope that I get the chance to go soon.... I know I am missed, by at least a few people.

I love how such a small thing can turn a day inside out.... and how shit seems to love to roll downhill, and not stop at the bottom....

Oh yeah, one last thing... I need to see a dentist soon because I think I broke part of my wisdom teeth.... SUPER.

well... I think thats all I can handle writing right now...

Updates.... Part 1

Ok, when I last left you, I was in NH, struggling with a lot of decisions. Well I went, and I am now in Syracuse, I said my goodbyes and I'm here now. End of story right..... never with me... come on now, you should know that. So yeah, I left NH about 2 months ago, Transferred to a different radio shack, which is working out fairly well so far, and I do landscaping as a full time job right now (better, more stable money). I'm living at home right now, but as of june 22nd, I put a deposit on an apartment which is AWESOME... its in the city, in a half-way decent area, that has a great park and pool nearby. So, that's the main... ME part. I am currently working with my buddy Eric from High school at the landscaping company, and things are pretty kewl there, we are going to be starting a "video blog" on myspace about all the crazy shit we do @ work.

... and now for the kicker... hold on to your shorts....
I have a new girlfiend.... yeah, I know... are ya good now?

So yeah, I know I said I wanted to be single for a while, and honestly it wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing, but I'm one to get lonely fairly quick, and it takes me a while to remember this.

Not to mention, it was one of those things that I just kinda fell into... She has been a good friend of mine for a long time now and her and I have always had good energy together but had either A: thought it would be too wierd or B: thought that it wouldn't work.

Well, as far as A goes... its not, its a good thing. and as far as B goes... well so far, most excellent.... you see, its hard to describe the mental connection we have other than being "mental twins".

... To be Continued...

I cried watching this....

This shit is too funny not to post.... :-)
Its the best waste of 9 minutes I have ever seen

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4Y4keqTV6w
If the embedding doesn't work

Oh yeah, and if you are really bored, check out some videos from this web site (don't try this at home is highly recommended).
http://www.willitblend.com

Responsibilites suck....

So yeah, I got my tax return back on Friday... all $923, sweet deal.... but the sad part is that more than half of that has to go to bills... which in the long run is better, because that will make money easier to save, and it will ultimately mean that a new clutch for Svetty will be coming soon.

I wanted to spend that money on Svetty and my computer ("Ritsuko") , Ritsuko needs a few new things, but most important right now is a new power supply. I am sick of having to spend 20 minutes of my normal morning TRYING to start up my computer... it pisses me off. Not to mention burning CD/DVD's is a pain in the ass because it could just randomly power itself off and make a coaster out of the burning media.... and if I am making a "lightscribe" disc.... that is one fucking expensive mistake.


Anyway.... poor svetty... she needs a bath, and needs to be cleaned inside too.... I haven't had the time to take care of her. Poor girl's screamin' at me for a new clutch, an oil change and a good hard inspection of the ignition system (O2 sensor is probably on its way out).... but hey, right now I can get by... not TOOO much longer, but I can make it for the time being.

With all the bills paid off, all I have to worry about is rent (and I gotta pay car insurance too...), and that's not a big deal.

Stage 1 racing clutch... here I come!
I'll keep ya posted on the progression of that....