...And now, the history of the past few months:

Ok, so it's not tomorrow... its technically the day after... I know, but my sleep schedule is FUBAR (and I work second shift mostly).

Okay, starting somewhere in mid-June:
I go out to a bar with my girlfriend (Laura), to have a night out for once because we get rarely get to spend anytime together, I decide to drive. We get there, park in her father's business parking lot which is across the street, go in, I meet a few people that she knows (including her sister Mary) and play some pool. I run into a friend (which is strange because I thought I didn't know anyone there) we chill for a bit, enjoy a few beers and enjoy the music and company.

Later on that night, as Mary is a bit too shitfaced to drive, Laura and I offer to drive her back to her place. So we go back to my car, about go go pick Mary up, and it doesn't start. My car (whose name is "Svetlana", Svetty for short) is a 1991 Saab 9000 (non-turbo) 5-speed manual, that I recently (*March*) had a newer engine installed (due to a timing chain tensioner failure, and chain breakage). This is VERY uncharacteristic of her, I have learned a bit about Saabs, and I know strange things can happen from time to time. NOW, there had been a growing problem with pick-up lately, I changed the ORIGINAL air cleaner, and it got better, so I had picked up a fuel filter, and just hadn't put it in yet. So I decide to do so.... its 1am and here I am laying under my car, changing a fuel filter. So I get that changed, and crank on the engine, to no avail, still wont start. I reluctantly give up after a while, take my friend for an offer and get a ride back to Laura's place.

Next morning I go out, meet Laura's dad, and tell him that my car is at his place in the parking lot (he doesn't seem to phased) and he offers to take a look at it with me, he's a bit of a car buff. So we go out, bash our brains for a bit, and come up with a few conclusions. Now, with my car, we didn't have a good way to check spark, due to the fact that starting in 1988 or so, Saabs went to primarily a DI cassette (Direct Ignition). This means there is no rotor, no distributor cap, not one coil.. 4 coils, and no spark plug wires. If you don't know what that means, don't worry about it, its just more complicated than a typical system (and IMHO a better system). ANYWAY, so I call the Saab tech that worked on my car (whom is in VT), and tell him what happened, we came to a few conclusions and he sent me some parts.

SO, I get these parts... a new DI Cassette, A Crank Position Sensor (CPS), and a tool to de-tension and re-tension the serpentine belt.... gotta love the special tool. Mic (aka Mike. my roommate, who is pretty damn good with cars) had never seen a system like this, but helped me install the new CPS. We cranked on the engine, to no avail again... now we'd changed the DI Cassette first, and nothing happened, THEN we changed the CPS... as the CPS is something we have to really fight to get to (it involves a lot of torque to remove the harmonic balancer/main crank pulley). so I send my tech back his working DI Cassette, as they are about $250 USED... and pay him for the crank sensor.

Right here, at the beginning of July, is where my car sits... out in BUMFUCK Egypt otherwise known as Moultonboro NH... yeah, exactly, for about 3 weeks before I can afford to tow it back to Concord where I am currently staying. During this time period, I loose my ENTIRE ring of keys... which if you know me, you realise how goddamn impossible it truly is. I find that there are only a few keys on that ring that I cannot live without... one of which is my Saab key.... I have to order it through a dealership, how fucking annoying, the other is my store key, which is un-duplicatable... as in NO BLANKS exist... aka, MEDICO lock.

So I get my car here, and now I have the opportunity to actually diagnose some shit... I have all my tools, and all the resources of the Internet, and a Saab service center close by (which turns out, they are FUCKING USELESS... and treat you like shit unless you got a lot of money to blow at their dealership, or you order a key). So I get my key finally, and now I am able to actually TRY to start my car, this is a good thing.

Now we sit here I have currently to date changed these things in chronological order:
- Air Filter (improved pick up)
*** Svetty Dies ***
- Fuel Filter
- Crank Position Sensor
- DI Cassette
- JETRONIC Computer (aka LH Computer. Fuel Injection)
- DI/APC Computer (aka DI computer. Engine Ignition Control module)
- Battery (the old one is DEAD.... won't hold a charge)

At this point, the car is now stuttering... like it wants to start, but something just isn't right. I think now there is a fuel pressure issue.... and I really don't want to fork over $400 for a damn fuel pump.

NOW this is just one of the many issues that I have been having in these past few months.

One of the others is the fact that I am borrowing Laura's car, and have been since I have been without mine. Which I am a very proud person, and a very stubborn one as well (I like to say... tenacious... it sounds more elegant :-) ), and it hurts to depend on someone so much... espically when its someone you care about. This, amongst many other reasons, is why my and my last girlfriend (Carla) of almost 5 years broke up... and as stupid as it sounds, that is something I REALLY don't want to be the cause of another break up.

Another issue that has been going on, is that well, I work at radioshack... not the greatest of jobs in the world, but I like it, I have for a really long time, don't get me wrong here, there are days that I just need to strangle everyone that walks through the door, but that happens to everyone (right??). The fact that I work there is not the issue, the issue is, right after Svetty died, they moved me to my comfortable little store in Somersworth NH, to the Concord Steeplegate store. Normally this wouldn't be a bad thing... espically considering that I COULD make more money there. Now, FYI: I am a trained Assistant Manager, but I am not CODED as an Assistant Manager in the computer system, so I am not PAID as an ASM, nor am I OFFICALLY an ASM (which is annoying, because I do ALMOST all the work that I should be doing). There were a lot of good things about me moving to the store, and some not-so-good things, but I was being a team player and going along with it, just hoping I would be promoted. Until Radioshack in Hookset closed. It is Radioshack Corporate policy: If a closing store manager is moved in the company than he MUST be granted an Assistant Manager Position... ergo: I'm out the fuckin job, at least at that store... so within the same 30 day period I move back to Somersworth, only to find everyone FAR too stressed out, and the place almost completely changed. Now there is a freeze on the ASM position, so NO ONE can get promoted to it until the freeze is removed, or another ASM in the district is demoted/promoted. The worst part is, that I can't even bitch at anyone to change that... it would make no difference, so I just have to SUCK IT UP and fucking deal. Yeah, that's number 2... sorry about the long-windedness

Another issue of mine, is that I have been un-medicated for about a year now, and I know my roommates are probably really pissed about that (according to them I get very pissy and bitchy at times). And I really want to see my psych again soon... I kinda left at an awkward stage in our therapy and I hope he thinks that it is not his fault (thats funny... I'm not supposed to be saying to my psych "its not your fault"). But yeah, so I am a pain in the ass to live with... all I can think about is not pissing anyone off, and trying to stay clean... and maybe, JUST MAYBE spending time with Laura.... as I sit here, she is in the other room, watching a movie with my roommates.... Oh yeah, I want to establish right now: My roommates, are Mic (aka mike) and Mar (aka Marlena). Mic I met in college, and mar is his girlfriend. They have been awesome to me... they kind of pulled me out of a situation that would have gotten pretty shitty, in a big hurry, and they are charging me a small amount to actually live here with them (which I have been a delinquent with lately). but yeah, i need a few bucks before I can talk to my psych again, but it is a priority.

... There are a lot of issues with me lately, but honestly most of them stem from me not having MY car... no time with Laura, though that may not change, but at least she would have some freedom.

One of the worst things though, is having everyone you know telling you "You should sell the car!". Yes, my mechanic agreed that we could probably work something out with me to trade him my car, and he would get me a different one, and I know I get VERY attached to cars... but damnit, it is the first one that I have bought and didn't get because it was someone elses piece of shit that they gave me just so I could get around or because they felt bad for me... I bought this car to have for a while... and yes, I am having some HORRIBLE luck with it... but I really think once I figure this shit out, that it is going to be good to me for a long while... as long as I can do the maintenance. I am REALLY sick and fucking tired of people telling me what I should fucking do... if I want to sell the fucking car, I will sell the fucking car... but I FUCKING REFUSE TO DO SO until I have exhausted EVERY last resource, and I am coming close yes, but I am not there yet, nor am I prepared to sell my car, because I have to drive back to Syracuse New York (that's where I am from, and where my family is, and where my insurance provider is) to register, inspect and insure my car. NOT TO MENTION, I really don't want to have to think of another name for a car right now... its a sentimental thing. :-(. So...what have we learned here.... I am sensitive about my cars, so leave me be until I am good-goddamn-ready to admit defeat or give up... not to sound like an asshole, but its not just people that are close to me that are doing it, between random people and random friends.... and if you are one of those people that I don't know all that well, telling me what to do with my life.... I'll spell this out for you: G-O F-U-C-K Y-O-U-R M-O-T-H-E-R.... k anyway....

And last but actually... this one should be first... I have not had enough time with Laura.... and there is really no one to blame... we don't have simalar days off... and when we do, we just are so tired from work we don't do anything together, and if its not that, its the fact that we are both so damn poor, we cant afford to go anywhere but home, or around town. The worst part is that there is no one to really blame for any of it. its not like either of us can afford to move or not work one more day a week. All I can really hope for, is that WHEN my car is running again, and Laura has her car back, she can come down every now and then.... ::Looks around a bit:: maybe after we clean up here a little bit.... good goddess... I really just want to start a fire in here *after I take out our computers* and start over.... maybe some hardwood floors ;-)

anyway I think that will work for tonight.

A preface....

So yeah, you read the title, and think... damn thats depressing... well... generally I will be posting when things are either really bad, or really good, much like a lot of my friends.

As a preface, I am bi-polar, which will explain how things are with me :-) up and down like a damn rollercoaster. I personally hate myspace... and yet here I am posting. I guess its more of a drama thing... I know of WAY too much stuff going down on myspace constantly, and frankly, I don't like the format. I also like random people commenting, and you can't (as far as I know) do that on myspace.

Just for reference, I work @ radioshack, I live in NH, and came from NY... there will be more explanation as needed.

Thats pretty much about it for a preface... I guess.

Onward to my day-
So during this past week, my emotions have been pretty up and down, I am running my store for about 3 days (nothing major), and of course by doing so, EVERY complicated customer transaction/problem must arise.... its a given. But the thing that I feel the worst about, one of the guys I have worked with in my store
since I have been there, whom I lived with for about 6 months, and has been present for some of the harder times in my life (at least as of late), lost his grandmother tuesday, he was close to her, which really sucks, he having a bunch of problems at home, most of which he won't talk about... but thats okay. But the really painful part, is that he announced his 2 week notice about 3-4 days ago, I'm going to loose a SOLID co-worker (ie. he's trained, and damn good at his job when he really tries), a good friend, and well... all I can do is hope for the best for him.

So aside from worrying about him, I have to worry about a store to run... I luckily am good a messing with a schedule, so I managed to give him 3 days off in a row, and not hurt anyone else... damn i'm good (flash of sarcasm there).

thats it for the day.... there is too much to post in one entry, and it would probably confuse a lot of people if I did. So.... I shall post tomarrow, with a bit of history of what has gone on with me for the past few months.