Being Bi-polar drives me fucking batty

Okay, so we finally get moved in, everything relatively set up, and of course, I am pissing a LOT of people off... I tend to do that under stressful situations. ...so yeah...

I get flustered easily and all I want to do is be alone for a while.... just so I don't piss anyone off, well, most of the time I don't get the opportunity to be alone (especially under moving conditions), so I pissed Mike and his Dad off (I knew I was going to), and stayed @ the house instead of going back for more shit @ the Apartment... but yeah, I was fucking beat... I am not all that strong upper-body wise, and what they were getting was fucking heavy, and all I wanted to do is get the computer room somewhat situated (I have a LOT more computer shit than ANYONE in this house) just so I could have my little dorky safe-haven where I could stay out of the way and out of people's hair.... I HATE being in the way of other people doing shit (or getting shit done).

Okay, so that was day one... not all that bad... but I really hurt myself earlier that day, didn't really let anyone know about it until later (I think I pulled a muscle in my back)

Woke up on Day 2 (mind you, I have to work, and no one else does...), to sharp pains and aches... more so than usual, so I knew this was not going to be a good day...

Went to work, was pretty useless... came home, a little pissed because it looked like nothing got done (though I know some did), and Laura looked exhausted so of course, here I am feeling like shit, looking @ her seeing that she is a little miffed, and looking at everyone else, who looked fine and bad things just went from there.... got in a small little fight with just about everyone... and just did my own thing for a little bit, it calmed down later. Cable Internet got installed along with the Dish, and of course the installers were about as bright as a box of rocks, but we wont go there (they were here when I was not, and I am relying off of others info).


Day 3... Yeah, once again, wake up to sharp pain, not quite as bad as the day before, but it still fucking hurt like hell, now all was fairly normal I wasn't as useless @ work, I still hurt enough to not play pool though (sorry Raven), but yeah, so I get home, and all I want is to sit down for a while, and just not do anything... and I end up getting into another fight, only this time with Laura only... speaking on behalf of the whole group.... and how no one wanted to hear me bitch about how much I hurt and whatnot.

Well yes, I can admit, I was a bit of a pussy and bitching about it a bit more than I should have, but I really was in quite a bit of pain, and I know that everyone else was too... and had probably done more work than I have, but ya know what... I was still in pain and needed to vent...

I know I have been an ass lately, but part of that is my many wonderful mental disorders.... and the other part is that I just need to cope in my own way, and that is being alone, and I have YET to get that as of this moment... i am hoping to get that sometime soon, it will help...

all of this would be helped by meds, but honestly... i really need someone to talk to that is neutral... I need my damn shrink... he's great... but I owe him $125, and I haven't been able to get a hold of him either...


I want to be able to control this.... I need to be able to control this better....
I look at Laura and wish she could understand from my point.... I love her, and I feel like shit for putting her through all of this shit..... all I want is to not piss people off, and just enjoy the company of my best friends in this state without being a complete douche bag...
... more later I think.