Starting to get depressed again....

So yeah, what else is new, starting to get depressed again, which sucks, I really like this time of year, it makes me feel like I am really part of nature, and part of something a lot larger than even I can possibly imagine... dunno, it makes me feel like I am "Old" as in my soul... I dunno, its hard to really describe, but I just feel like I have been around for so long mentally, but I'm only 24 on the outside.

There's a series that describes the way I feel (I read it a lot when I was younger) its called "The Dark is Rising Sequence" by Susan Cooper. It consists of 5 books, and is classified as "Teen fantasy". Its sort of childish, but its one of those things that I really like and that I got attached to... kinda lets your imagination run wild :-). If you do end up reading the books, I feel like I am a cross between Will Stanton and Merriman (you meet Will in the second book "The Dark is Rising")

I also have a friend of mine who reminds me who I am and what I feel like... she stops in from time to time and brightens my day... if you are in NH, you should check out the renaissance fair every now and again, and you may just see her :-)

Here's a link to her personal page

-----------------------

I really just want this whole move to be over... I think I am going to be short for money, but it all depends on what kind of paycheck I get this week (which is only for 35:10... and I only got 27.50 for spiffs... goddamnit). Once again, I feel like shit because I am the weakest link right now and all I really want to do is get something that I can rely on for a bit and get myself caught up with all my bills and people I owe money to.

Not to mention (well I guess I am because here I am writing it :-P), the fact that I don't have anything planned for Laura's B'day, nor do I have any Ideas on what to get her (that I can afford)... I feel like the worst person in the world about that, and today (I know they were joking but it still bothers me) I went to Laura's work and her boss gave me shit about not having a good gift/thing planned for her. I dunno, I feel like shit because I haven't seen my friends/family in a YEAR (though I did visit my family when I went back to get Svetty inspected) and I did plan on going towards the end of October but, I couldn't get vacation time because its not allowed in golden quarter, and even if I could, we are still very short staffed at my store, so its just not going to happen. Laura has the week that I wanted to go off... which is now a good thing because we all will be moving that week, so that is helpful at least. But I still feel like shit because I am not living up to what I want.... but then again I wanted to be out of college by this point AND into my career.... wooohooo!

Horray for being a FUCKING LOSER....

All has been well....

So yeah, all has been well so far, strangely enough, though there have been some recent developments:

Mike, Mar, Laura, TJ (Laura's Current roommate) and myself have all been looking for a place together, we found a few, and we narrowed it down to one... a granite stone house, that is absolutely HUGE, with all kinds of lovely new things that were put into it (like radiant floor heat on the first floor). Well.... the landlord is a little "interesting" but all in all it seems like a good place, it seemed like it took forever to find out if we were going to get it, but... we did!

So we are going to be moving at the end of October, there goes my vacation (if I was even able to get one), but this place will be great. EVERYTHING will be divided 5 ways which should help a LOT with the utilities (Oil Heat, Electric, Satellite/Cable, Internet and each of us has a Cell). We are planning on setting up a bank account that has ALL of our names on it, and because almost everyone is on Direct Deposit, we can easily figure it out, its $87.75 /person /week for the rent ($1675.00 total) which honestly is not all that bad.

So that's 1....

Other Recent Development... Me finding a tech support job to supplement my income.... I can foot the bill for the place without a problem (especially with the Direct Deposit thing worked out), but I am kind of sick of having to borrow money from people... and I have a few things that Honestly, I need to fucking pay off (like my laptop). So yeah, I am keeping my ears open for some call-in based job where I can sit in my boxer shorts and answer phone calls all night until I need to sleep so I can get up for my real job :-). I have heard some rumors so I have applied... but I could really use the extra $$ just because of the security deposit we need on the new place... AND the funky ass way that the landlord wants his money (500 next week, the remaining $1175 on the 15Th, then by the 30Th another month's rent.... OWCH!).

Anywho... if any random person knows of any place that is looking for some tech. support via phone... drop a line



PS: Svetty is still running great... she is just in need of another oil change and a coolant flush :-)