Starting to get depressed again....

So yeah, what else is new, starting to get depressed again, which sucks, I really like this time of year, it makes me feel like I am really part of nature, and part of something a lot larger than even I can possibly imagine... dunno, it makes me feel like I am "Old" as in my soul... I dunno, its hard to really describe, but I just feel like I have been around for so long mentally, but I'm only 24 on the outside.

There's a series that describes the way I feel (I read it a lot when I was younger) its called "The Dark is Rising Sequence" by Susan Cooper. It consists of 5 books, and is classified as "Teen fantasy". Its sort of childish, but its one of those things that I really like and that I got attached to... kinda lets your imagination run wild :-). If you do end up reading the books, I feel like I am a cross between Will Stanton and Merriman (you meet Will in the second book "The Dark is Rising")

I also have a friend of mine who reminds me who I am and what I feel like... she stops in from time to time and brightens my day... if you are in NH, you should check out the renaissance fair every now and again, and you may just see her :-)

Here's a link to her personal page

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I really just want this whole move to be over... I think I am going to be short for money, but it all depends on what kind of paycheck I get this week (which is only for 35:10... and I only got 27.50 for spiffs... goddamnit). Once again, I feel like shit because I am the weakest link right now and all I really want to do is get something that I can rely on for a bit and get myself caught up with all my bills and people I owe money to.

Not to mention (well I guess I am because here I am writing it :-P), the fact that I don't have anything planned for Laura's B'day, nor do I have any Ideas on what to get her (that I can afford)... I feel like the worst person in the world about that, and today (I know they were joking but it still bothers me) I went to Laura's work and her boss gave me shit about not having a good gift/thing planned for her. I dunno, I feel like shit because I haven't seen my friends/family in a YEAR (though I did visit my family when I went back to get Svetty inspected) and I did plan on going towards the end of October but, I couldn't get vacation time because its not allowed in golden quarter, and even if I could, we are still very short staffed at my store, so its just not going to happen. Laura has the week that I wanted to go off... which is now a good thing because we all will be moving that week, so that is helpful at least. But I still feel like shit because I am not living up to what I want.... but then again I wanted to be out of college by this point AND into my career.... wooohooo!

Horray for being a FUCKING LOSER....