I need to cry....

so yeah, as the title of this says, I need to cry, but the problem is, I can't seem to. Its not a problem with me being to "manly", I couldn't give a shit less about that. Its not about leaving my friends here, I will be in touch, one way or another... probably see them around the fourth of July (when mike, mar, and whomever else and I go up to the white mountains), I do intend on keeping that tradition... I love it up there and I love being with my friends.

It is a matter of how frustrated things are making me right now. There are too many variables, and I don't know how to fucking solve for X.... its not even a matter of actually getting there, I don't even know where to begin. I know I really need to make the decision, either stay here or go home, but there are complications:

- Am I going to be able to afford the move (depends on what I need to rent to get back home)?
- Once I get home... If I go home, where am I going to stay?... Right now, my mom told me I can move back in, but I have to find an apartment soon (I don't want to be a burden).
- I have a good friend that is starting a business, and wants me as an on-site technician... but that is pending on him getting a house to start this business in (and to live in), so I have to either stay @ Radioshack in SYR somewhere, or find a computer store or something to work at whist he takes care of business. (which I may stay at anyway just for the extra income).
- I would like to work @ SU (Syracuse University) and go to school at the same time.... it would be convenient... and I think I still get tuition for free (I'll have to check on that) because my stepfather Gary works there and has worked there for like almost 30 years now. If its not free... I still have to finish my school... without it, I'm just another loser, so I either go to SU or OCC.

- If I don't move back, I will have to find either another job to supplement or I may have to leave radioshack altogether, I don't really want to leave, so I may find something in the mean time... if I am going to leave RS, it would have to be a VERY nice job, that would justify it to me, and to Steve.
- Thinking of Steve, he offered me a place to live (for cheaper than I am currently paying...) if I want out of my current situation, which honestly would probably be a good idea. I love these guys and all, but sometimes its a bit much to deal with, and I know that I am not the best to deal with sometimes either, probably around times like now because of how pissy I can be when I get frustrated.... I don't know.

:: smashes head into keyboard ::
I just wish this was a little easier.... less options, less shit going on... and more money :-P that would make it a little bit of an easier decision.

I have to do what makes me happy, but I know that initially, I will be happy to move back to SYR, but its the karma city, and I will want out again, I would be relatively happy to stay here, but there would have to be some change.... either way, I am going to have to start making a fair amount of money, not because it makes you happy, but because I have a lot of shit WAY overdue that I need to start paying on, and I need to stop dragging the house down. I would love to be able to work from home, and go to school, that would be awesome, and it would make things a lot easier... but I am not looking for a "get rich quick" scheme. I want to be technical support or something like that.

..... I'm gonna stop now.... I need to take a shower and have a butt... and get ready for work
I may edit this later, but I want to post it now.